On this journey of healing it can sometimes feel like you’re waiting for a breakthrough that might not ever come. Like me, you’ve probably discovered that you need more than your own strength to get through anything. And also like me, you’ve probably found yourself feeling incapable of ever attaining that kind of strength. Sometimes I wonder where God is. Will God ever come and pick me up through this? Am I not trying hard enough to reach God? Why does having hope in something greater than me sometimes make me feel worse? Especially when I’m not seeing what I’ve been expecting to come from having this hope?
But what if waiting in this journey isn’t about actually waiting for that breakthrough to suddenly appear. What if it’s about waiting for myself to become the emotionally whole, mentally stable, spiritually in-tune being, I’m meant to be? The thing is that I won’t ever see myself become the person I want to be if I continue to turn to old mental patterns instead of putting in the discipline necessary to see the change I want to see.
I can be so focused on where I’m not that it can make getting to a better place feel unattainable. As a result, sometimes I want to just give up on myself all together because it can feel like I’ll never see a change. And I start to become discouraged because I don’t see any evidence of progress in myself or even see any help from God. But I don’t think it’s all about waiting for God to come because truth is, God is already here. God is with me in every moment, and through every step of this process. I think it’s about what I choose to think during this process. If I continue to think that I’ll never experience the freedom and clarity that comes from being emotionally whole because I’m discouraged in my journey, then I won’t see it. Waiting for myself to grow into emotional wholeness is all about what I do, and the way I think even when I feel discouraged in the journey.
This journey is a process, and change doesn’t happen over night. It takes discipline to reinforce the habits needed to get to that place of emotional wholeness, and continuing in that process without stopping builds endurance. Even though it’d be nice to wake up the next day and automatically be in that place of peace, I know that it takes work and it’s a continual process. It also takes faith to keep believing that I will see the outcome of enduring this process. Even if I feel like I’m not making any progress, it’s not like I have a deadline to make. Progress is still progress when you make the mental decision to keep going; no matter if you feel like didn’t do what you think you should’ve done, or that you could be doing better. When you get back up and try at it again, you’re building endurance and you’re building faith in yourself and in the One who gives you strength.
Waiting to become into the person I want to see takes having patience with myself. There are some negative thought patterns that have been deeply embedded in my brain over the years, and it’s going to take some time to undo them all. But while I’m waiting to become, I do have God’s power to help me in this process even if I have to keep telling myself this until I believe it. And so, if in this process I believe I have a strength greater than me to help me when I feel discouraged, then maybe that will give me more faith to believe that I will see the person I want to become. And if I believe I can change, then as a result I will see that change.
Until Next Time.
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