What better time to write a post about focusing than now.
If I'm being completely honest, for the past few days I've been getting attacked by thoughts of nameless again. These are thoughts I've thought before, emotions I've gone through before, questions and concerns I've been through before...this is obviously nothing new.
Of course the past still bothers me which is why when thoughts like those do come it's really hard for me to turn them off. And if I'm being really honest, part of me doesn't want to because I want answers. It makes me sick to my heart to not know what's going on in nameless' head, and to think that he really just doesn't care anymore. And why do I care? Why do I continue to let this bug me, and take my focus off of a more relevant task at hand?
I don't even know.
What I do know is that when I get attacked back to back with thoughts about nameless, it must mean that this is meant to distract me from accomplishing something I wouldn't be able to accomplish if I'm still stuck in a hole about nameless. But sometimes I forget this.
I can also forget that I actually have the option and the power to shift my focus. I just don't always use that power. Instead I'll decide to put energy into torturing myself with scenarios I don't actually know and questions I can't answer.
But focusing is not easy, at least for me it's not. Especially when there are things on your heart that have not be resolved and you can't get answers from the very person who started this in the first place.
And of course the only one left to turn to is God. It's not that I don't turn to God in situations like these, but sometimes I can get so caught up in wrestling with these emotions that I forget to rely on my spirit. Even as I'm writing this, I'm remembering that my unsettled mind is not all that I have. I have my spirit, which is the connection to the peace I need to settle my mind even when I don't have answers.
Wrestling with my thoughts and emotions, can make me feel like I'm far away from the peace of God, to the point where I feel too lost to find my way back; but all it literally takes is the mental decision to shift my focus. That's it.
Now all I need is the will power to do it.
Until next time.
