Just like how a virus can leave residual effects in your body after it has passed, I think painful experiences can leave residual effects in your mind even after time has passed...at least for me I can say it has. Dealing with past memories of traumatic experiences is almost like your mind is fighting off an infection that you thought you were over.
That's how I can explain what it's like trying to fight off memories involving Nameless. Sometimes I do feel that I've moved past these memories until something triggers them, and I’m going through it all over again, as if this just happened yesterday. Even though I'm not physically in that place anymore, I can still feel what it was like to be in that place and if I’m not careful I tend to relive these memories over and over again.
Right now, I would consider myself in a mature place about the situation, and my heart is in a better place than it was. However, I am still working through some residual emotions that are still lingering around in my heart (although I don’t pay real attention to them until they get triggered). Sometimes I might see or hear something, and be reminded of a memory, or a memory might pop up out of no where, and that can trigger an emotion that was lying dormant for a while. Either way, the emotions are still there even if I’m not paying attention to them.
Remembering these feelings only reminds me that this situation with Nameless is still unresolved, and that is honestly what has made this healing process a challenge. Especially since I had no control in getting the answers I was looking for.
So how am I fighting through these residual effects? What do I do about them? Do I just have no choice but to let them pass and die on their own like a virus?
I feel like I've done everything I could do to stay stable emotionally, and to be honest I've come to my wit's end with this. Just when you think you've got a handle on it, then another memory that was hiding in a corner suddenly pops up, and triggers yet another feeling you hid away. This is all apart of the process...I guess.
Anyway, the answers to those questions is that I'm not doing anything, because there's nothing I can do; at least not by myself.
I guess in a way I do have to let these emotions pass and die off like viruses do. I’m not saying that I have no control over how I handle those emotions when they come because I do. When I do experience a moment where I'm feeling those old emotions start to rise, instead of wallowing in them, I can make sure that I'm intentionally remembering that I do not have to allow myself to suffer, because truth is; I am no longer in that same heartbroken place I was in 6 years ago. The emotions may still feel real, but that doesn’t mean that I have to keep giving them life.
Until Next Time.
P.S. Stay tuned for a new series entitled, “Dear Nameless,” where I go into a little more depth about these feelings towards Nameless and my process of healing.
P.S.S I will also be posting audio versions of these blogs, (starting with this one) really soon! And some will probably have extended audio. I’m excited to share this blog in a new way so keep an eye out for those!
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